Color Me Disappointed.

All week I have been looking forward to going to dinner tonight. Milleridge Inn is my absolute favorite place to eat and I love the little village there. That's where my mom decided to we were going to eat. It was going to be her treat because she wanted to take my dad out to celebrate father's day and his birthday.

I didn't have work today. It was great. I stayed up almost until 230, but I was tired so I couldn't stay up later. What was not great was waking up at 830 for no reason and then waking up again at 1030. It sucked. It was my day off and I did not want to get up early. I forced myself back to sleep only to get woken up an hour later by my phone. My mom called and told me to come downstairs because she wanted to show me something. Apparently my dad got some catalog in the mail and it had scrubs in it. They were pretty nice, and not too expensive. I decided not to go back to sleep because I was far too awake to try. I had a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. A big bowl. It was awesome. While I was eating my mom hands me the menu to Lenny's Clam Bar in Howard Beach. She tells me we're not going out to eat because my dad didn't feel well. Bull shit. That's his excuse when he wants to get out of something.

So I was pretty upset at this point, but I tried not to act like it. I had been looking forward to Milleridge Inn all week and instead I get shitty Lenny's. Lenny's used to be pretty good, but the last few times I've had it it was awful. I predicted right. I ordered rigatoni with chicken and it was awful. First thing, I'm not found of marinara sauce. Second thing the chicken was too dry. I have a massive stomach ache from dinner.

Anyway, my mom took me out to get another set of scrubs today and of course Brenda tagged along. She had errands or whatever that she needed to do and of course she can't take a bus to get there when all she needed to do was go to CVS. Whatever. It was pretty annoying and juvenile that she went outside five minutes before we left so that she could sit in the front seat. I didn't say anything.

On our way out to Lake Success (that's where I buy my scrubs) we stopped at the post office to mail out some stuff. My mom asked Brenda to run them in while we waited in the car. She comes back, closes the door. It doesn't shut all the way so she yanks it open and slams it. Unnecessary. Something happened to the door, I'm not too sure what, but she laughed and was like no one saw me break the door. I said that there was no reason to slam the door that hard and she ignored me. I'm getting used to that. I wasn't planning on saying anything, but I remembered that my dad tends to get on my mom's case about the care a lot. Him finding out about a possible broken door wouldn't go well.

So we get out there and my favorite lady was there. She's the sweetest lady. She always remembers me cause she says extra small everytime she sees me. She keeps telling my mom that I'm a sweet girl just because I always say please and thank you to her. I got a nice pair of black scrub bottoms (they're from Dickies, which I didn't know made scrubs) and this nice white scrub top with light blue, purple, pink, dark blue and red circles and squares printed on it. It'll go well with my purple and lilac scrubs.

Everything was going pretty well until we got back in our neighborhood to the Rite Aid. My mom took Brenda there because she said they had something she wanted there. My mom told her that she can get her prescription filled at Rite Aid too instead of CVS because she's not driving from one to the other when Rite Aid has a pharmacy. We were about a block away and talking about dinner. Brenda thought we were talking about a place called London Lenny's instead of the clam bar. She said she wouldn't order the lasagna there cause it was bad and then she said, right Mandy.

I said I'd never had the lasagna there. I haven't eaten at London Lennys since my confirmation. And she starts getting upset and insisting that I'd had it before. She was yelling and said she wasn't stupid and that I had had her leftovers when she went out to dinner with someone and that I didn't like it. I got annoyed and shouted back saying that sorry I didn't remember that. She made a big scene as my mom was parking cursing and yelling saying she had to get out of here and stormed into Rite Aid. I started venting to my mom. I remember having the lasagna now. It was a few days after I came home from school in May. I never knew that it was from London Lenny's and I tend to have a shitty memory. However, there was absolutely no need for her to have acted that way. My mom agreed with me and said that Brenda can't keep acting that way or one day my mom was going to come back at her during one of her fits. I told her I wasn't going to sit there and get yelled at for no reason and she agreed that I don't have to. My mom just doesn't like to fight so a lot of times she keeps things that bother her to herself or she'll wait until we're alone to talk about it. Usually when we go out (just us, which is rare now that Brenda tags along everywhere) she'll talk about how Brenda upsets her or how something my dad said upset her. She vents to me a lot, which she needs. She used to vent to Eileen too, but now Eileen always takes Brenda's side.

I have a doctor's appointment next week. I see the gyno and my mom has to to drive me out there. If Brenda decides she's tagging along I'm going to tell her not to. The last time I went to see my doc she tagged along for no reason. I don't need her going to my doctor's with me. I can't get there through public transportation so I don't mind my mom coming, but I don't need her there too. Honestly it bothers the shit out of me that she has to go everywhere with us. I'm really only home for the summer and like one month for winter break and a week for spring break. She gets to have my mom the rest of the time. While I'm home I want to spend time with my mom without her and it's like impossible. It's getting harder and harder for me to keep my mouth shut around her. Nothing is getting better, it's getting worse.

She told my mom that I'm a spoiled brat because my dad gives me everything I want. Not true at all. A lot of the times I pay him back for stuff that he gets me. He bought my a DSLR camera because I needed it for school. I paid it back. He bought my first two sets of scrubs and I said I'd pay him back when I get paid (still haven't), but he told me no. He said I don't need to because he wanted to buy them as a gift for getting the job. If I help him out around the house he'll give me some money, even when I tell him he doesn't have to. There a times when he'll ask if I need anything or if I mention something I like that he'll try and buy it. I don't really consider that being spoiled. My dad is also like that with my mom. If she needs it he'll try and get it.

She might be saying that because he's not like that with her, but why should he be? She's not his daughter through blood or even through the law (I'm legally his daughter) plus she's 40 years old. But he's helped her. He paid for all her lawyer fees and shit when everything happened 16 years ago. He gave her money when she first got out and was stuck in Michigan, he bought her plane ticket to NY. He gave her $200 to buy herself some nice cloths so she can get a job, but according to my mom she spend it on other things. He said he's not giving her anymore money, which I agree with. I needed the scrubs for work and I didn't have any money so he helped me out. She's be in NY for about 5 months already and doesn't have a job still. She really hasn't been looking. I've been home for about 2 months and oh guess what, I have a job. I looked everyday for one and it worked out. I need to stop ranting. I'm turning into a horrible person with this mean thoughts.

My mom told her that I wasn't spoiled. I'm glad my mom sticks up for me. It makes me happy. What doesn't make me happy is when we came home. I went to show him my new scrubs. He was getting ready to lay down so I waited and as he was laying down he started saying how depressed he was and stuff like that. My mom came in and he started talking about how she should make arrangements at Jimmys (the funeral home nearby) and about how he didn't want to come home if he went to the hospital. Real depressing stuff. I didn't want to listen anymore so I went up to my room otherwise I would've started crying. I don't want to think about him dying or antyhing like that.

After awhile I came down to see how my mom was. I figured she would be upset and I was right. I found her crying in the bathroom. Apparently my dad was talking about giving up and stuff and he did it last year when he turned 84. Obviously he doesn't like that thought of getting old, but a lot of people in his family lived well into their 90s. His mom lived until she was 102. So he's got longevity on his side. It's just upseting to hear him talk that way.

I hadn't planned on a long post, especially since I really didn't do anything today. I probably won't be doing anything tomorrow. Apparently my mom and I have to start looking for one of his old film camera's that we hid away. I can't remember where we put it and he's obsessing about it. We're also going to take my tv out to the repair place that fixed it a few years ago. Hopefully that weird white filmy screen will go away and my tv will be good as new.

On a side note -- I'm going to try really hard to start writing again this weekend. I really miss writing, I just haven't had the time.